A gorgeous view of the city in the background
What were my expectations going in?
Very low. I bought it out of curiosity, but I really just expected it to be a dumb Gears Of War wannabe, chock full of stupid dick jokes and exaggerated testosterone that would appeal to 12-year olds hopped up on Red Bull. I'd seen the skill point system in action, and thought it just seemed like a needlessly complicated royal pain in the ass.
An overpowered kick can shatter armor
So how was it?
I really, really had fun with this game. I was pleasantly shocked, and now I'm kind of kicking myself for not playing it earlier. I don't know that I'd necessarily call it a good game, or really push it on anyone as a "must play", but it was a damn fun week. The combat was fun and stayed fresh, the characters were memorable, the dialogue was hilarious, and it was short enough that it never overstayed its welcome.
The first thing I noticed in Bulletstorm is that this game is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. The detail is amazing, in every single inch of the game. It is very much a setpiece showoff; you indulge in some combat, then wander to the next "ooh and ahh" vista of a beautiful world or ruined city. And to be honest? I never failed to ooh or ahh; it was absolutely jaw-dropping most of the time. Everything in the distance was alive and moving, not just a flat backdrop. The character models were brilliantly modeled, oozing detail over every single inch.
Getting multiple skill points is so rewarding!
I was very surprised at how much I enjoyed the combat and the skill system in this game. I'd read about how the way to advance your gear and abilities was by getting complicated and precise skill kills, and it sounded like a pain in the ass to me. In actuality, it kept the combat fun and exciting through the entire game, trying to score skillpoints by combining moves and your environment. The game features a decent variety of weapons, along with a grapple leash to yank enemies and objects to you, and a (grossly overpowered) kick function to push them away. With this, you can yank an enemy toward you, kick his buddy into a cactus, cut the first enemy in half with a shotgun blast, then kick an explosive barrel at the new squad of guys rushing to take their place. It never felt like I was forced to get difficult kills; I still managed to get all the skill points I needed to progress and unlock everything.
I have a few complaints with the gameplay, however. It feels very guided and linear; there is only ever one single path, and more often than not the game will point out to you "Hey, jump over this" or "Leash this item to yank it down" with no subtlety. You go where the game wants you to go, with no exploration. Invisible walls abound, even down paths that look completely unobstructed. The collision detection for interactive objects like hoppable walls and climbable railings can be obnoxiously specific. You have to approach them directly; if you come at them from any sort of angle, the "Press X To Jump Over" prompt won't appear, and you may as well be running into a wall. This can be a huge pain in the ass when you're in the heat of combat and can't take cover.
Try to resist the urge to yell "Get over here!"
The story of the game is solid, simple, and surprisingly emotional, despite all of the dick jokes. You play former mercenary Grayson Hunt, a man on a mission of redemption. He's leading his team after General Sarrano, a psychotic, power-mad military man who lied to them and manipulated them, using them to kill tons of innocent people. In a last-ditch effort to take him out, Grayson causes both his own ship and Sarrano's to crash-land on a dangerous planet. Now finding Sarrano may be their only way offworld.
The game somehow makes an art form out of telling the story almost entirely through dick jokes. It's incredibly juvenile, but I'll be damned if I wasn't laughing my ass off the entire time. And oddly enough, the dick jokes made me genuinely like the characters; their foul-mouthed banter felt strangely natural and real, like they really were longtime buddies, just constantly giving each other shit to keep things light. Fortunately, the game clocks in around 7-8 hours total, so nothing ever really gets the chance to get old. It plays like a summer blockbuster action movie, all pomp and bombast and hilarious dialogue, and ends before wearing out its welcome.
Outrunning a giant wheel o' death
Is Bulletstorm a great game? No. It won't change your life, it won't go down in history as one of your favorite games of all time. It won't be remembered as art. With the controversy that surrounded it on release, it probably won't be remembered at all. If it is, it'll be as "the game that gives you bonus points for shooting enemies in the balls". Sadly, the ending of the game is left wide open, all but assuming there's going to be a sequel, and that's probably never going to happen because of all of this.
But it is a fun game. It's worth plunking down a couple of bucks and playing when you feel like laughing at some weirdly creative dick jokes and trying to think of new ways to kill enemies and watching some of the most gorgeous video game setpieces I've ever seen on display. It's $19.99 on Steam right now, probably way cheaper at Gamestop or Walmart for consoles. If you're just looking for fun, Bulletstorm is just a good time, no more, no less.
Did she just say she'd kill my dick? What does that even MEAN?
Play time: 8.8 hrs
Finished: Yes
Recommended: Yes
Available For: PC, Xbox 360, PS3
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